Sima met her abuser on Match.com. He was charming and kind they took their time and hit it off. They went on dates and in January started dating. Eventually an unusual habit started to form. Every three weeks he would break up with her. No warning or true rhyme or reason. This was a repeated cycle. After expressing that the next time this happened, it was truly over and done, he did it again while she was out of town with her family. When she came back, she moved her things out of his place and took a pregnancy test.
After finding out she was unexpectedly pregnant, she had to tell him. He was not supportive and then proceeded to attempt suicide by overdosing on pills. She contacted his mom and drove to his house to take him to the hospital.
After that incident he continued his pursuit of a relationship with Sima. She still loved him and she was expecting his child so they got back together and eventually got married. It felt right.
As time went on things change, as they do and he was an alcoholic. As enthusiastic college football fans, her loving Iowa State and him loving Iowa, sometimes things would get intense. One game, Iowa State won and he was angry and aggressive towards her. She was not gloating or in his face about his loss and he began screaming and cursing at her and says “I’m okay if that thing inside your belly dies and Iowa wins all their games”
Things progressed and got worse and worse. In February, Sima had her son, Nile. Sima stayed home with the baby and the abuser was not cut out to be a father. He mentally and emotionally was not there for Sima and her child. The few times she did have to leave the baby with him for work trips, she was anxious because he was very neglectful. Because the abuser didn’t want the child to begin with, he didn’t want to take care of him, so he would say things to him and call him names.
Emotional and verbal abuse continued. He manipulated her and made her think and feel like everything was her fault. She was constantly apologizing for things that were not her doing. He even manipulated her into giving up her independence, like her bank accounts and credit cards and that’s when the financial abuse came. She was listed secondary on their account and did not have any access to the full details of their financial situation.
Sima then proceeded to get really sick. The stress and abuse led her to go from a size 6 to a size zero. Her confidence was gone as well as her independence.
The fall of 2014 they were tailgating for Iowa in Iowa City. He drank too much and started calling her names and she snapped. In front of his family and their friends, she screamed at him and instead of firing back, he didn’t react. After he went to the game, she said she was going to leave. She would pack up her son and take the car and go back to Des Moines.
Her Mother-in-Law told her if she left, she would call the police on her for a stolen vehicle, essentially trapping Sima in this situation. She stayed and he came back and didn’t say a word to her.
They left and he drove 90 mph to 100 mph back to Des Moines. It was a 60 minute drive when it’s usually two hours.
Mind you their child is in the back seat and the abuser is drunk.
STAY TUNED FOR PART 2 OF THIS BLOG.